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Dec 30, 2009, 4:27am

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Result 1 of 10:

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Topic: If Only I could (Read 138 times)

seanswan
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Re: If Only I could
« Result #1 on May 17, 2008, 2:02pm »

Feb 19, 2008, 3:46pm, christineplant wrote:

ACTION MAN ? Can you hear my screams?
I even see him in my dreams.
DREAMS? Nightmares more the word,
Since Christmas, that?s all I?ve heard!
Its Action Man this and Action Man that,
His bits are spread all over my flat.
Truck, jeep, snowmobile and buggy ?
He?s even got a barking doggy!
As well as:
Guns, knives and exploding bits.
(I?ve already had three direct hits),
Videos, backpacks, clothes and hats,
Tools, boots, gloves, ropes and bats.
Clasps, slings, straps and clips
All stuck on with Velcro strips.
Astronaut, Scuba diver and Marine,
Soldier, Sailor ? AND MORE ? I?VE SEEN!
Its ?Nanny, take this off and put this on.?
I grin and say ?Alright son.?
Action Man is driving me mad ?
I?m contemplating something bad.
I want to dispose of him? every bit,
But my grandson would have a fit.

I am not keen on the last line - any ideas?

Christine

If you hadn't used 'hit' on a prior line, I would have suggested:-

"So I'll make sure he gets a writ
my mafia mate will do the hit"

So how about you alter lines 10 and 11 to:-

"Pistol-packed and landmine bits
enough gunfire to give you a fit"

Best Regards
Sean

« Last Edit: May 17, 2008, 2:12pm by seanswan »

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Result 2 of 10:

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Topic: Fiona's Friday Class (Read 143 times)

Roland Gray
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Re: Fiona's Friday Class
« Result #2 on Apr 29, 2008, 10:21am »

Not really poetry, much more creative writing with an emphasis on creative.

Again, it's a WEA thing at Hurst House and is 10-12am Friday from now on.

Why not give it a try?

Roland

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Result 3 of 10:

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Topic: Open poetry and Workshops (Read 94 times)

Roland Gray
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Re: Open poetry and Workshops
« Result #3 on Apr 29, 2008, 10:17am »

Hi Sean

Andy has 2 evening classes,

Monday "Writing for Performance" i.e. scriptwriting

Wednesday "Creative Writing" i.e. everything else but mainly prose

both 7-9pm

You need to enrol at Hurst House WEA but Andy would help with that if you turned up one evening. (not next monday 5th May coz it's a holiday and there will be no-one there

)

I'll have to check up on the open mike date, but I think it's the 19th May.

Cheers

Roland

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Result 4 of 10:

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Topic: Open poetry and Workshops (Read 94 times)

seanswan
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Open poetry and Workshops
« Result #4 on Apr 23, 2008, 4:48pm »

Could someone please tell me how I go about signing up for Andy's evening workshop and when the open Mike event will be held again?

Sean

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Result 5 of 10:

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Topic: Fiona's Friday Class (Read 143 times)

seanswan
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Re: Fiona's Friday Class
« Result #5 on Apr 23, 2008, 4:40pm »

Is this a regular poetry workshop?

Sean

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Result 6 of 10:

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Topic: Victoria's Walls (Read 59 times)

seanswan
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Victoria's Walls
« Result #6 on Apr 23, 2008, 4:36pm »

A grey granite island:
an atoll of gangland atonement.
Its citizens hide in a society of shadows,
here doors slam shut on the just and deserted,
keeping out all, but the clean air of freedom
which kisses each convict a promise;
that their hell is not harboured alone.

I walked the longing corridor of the dead;
where the common were brought to book and prayer;
where lasting innocence ditched its tears,
in letters of ending love.

Now only stony secrets remain;
Her Majesty's pleasure repents to the touch,
the bricks rebound with embattled lament.
Pierrepoint's play performs no more
compassion has masked and strangled the scaffold,
absolving the dogs who died in its war.
They clung to stolen straws of psalm
in sure and certain hope
yet resurrection came at eight,
remanded in a rope.

Still one young pup, snarls from the landing;
liberty's latest suitor.
The world outside is a pearl beyond price,
a gem held just out of reach.
His defiance gleams in a life of grime;
his defence is a date with a different hangman,
the day of the open door,
when bars must melt, for their collars are felt
and locks all fall to the floor

Sean Kinsella

Forward Press published this one for me in 2004. It was written 20 years precedent however

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Result 7 of 10:

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Topic: Fiona's Friday Class (Read 143 times)

Roland Gray
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Re: Fiona's Friday Class
« Result #7 on Apr 13, 2008, 8:01am »

Don't forget to sign up for the summer term at Hurst House. We need your ~~presents~~ presence.

Fiona's Friday Class is really too good to miss, don't let it be cancelled through lack of support, p-l-e-a-s-e. (And no, she hasn't paid me for this, not yet anyway

)

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Result 8 of 10:

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Topic: Follow the leader (one for the poets!) (Read 124 times)

Chris Plant
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Re: Follow the leader (one for the poets!)
« Result #8 on Apr 6, 2008, 4:51pm »

Feb 20, 2008, 3:45pm, Roland Gray wrote:

Sunbeams break from clouded sky
Spotlights on a stage of grey
Actors, winged, upon it fly
A cast of thousands in a one act play
Their robes are hues, both mute and bright
Kaleidoscopes in the shifting light

Each act belies a shift in time

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Result 9 of 10:

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Topic: What Does A Poet Do? By Terry Mahoney (Read 86 times)

terry2
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Re: What Does A Poet Do? By Terry Mahoney
« Result #9 on Mar 15, 2008, 10:40am »

Thank you Christine.

I'll give it some thought.

Cheers,

Terry

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Result 10 of 10:

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Topic: What Does A Poet Do? By Terry Mahoney (Read 86 times)

christine plant
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Re: What Does A Poet Do? By Terry Mahoney
« Result #10 on Mar 12, 2008, 6:02am »

Hi Terry,
Thought you said you couldn't write poetry!
You have captured what a poet should do succinctly.
the poem has a good sense of rhythm and rhyme eg through alliteration, (Forget the finite)
assonance (Laughing like a maniac) and
sibilance. (throughout...ie: study clause and phrase)
Good concrete sounds on line endings: words/ verbs/ speed.
Good pace, fast in places, slow in others.
Don't think you need a comma after throat.
The only comment I would make is around line 12

after: his only option: Feel!

It feels as though the next line should follow through (enjambment)

i.e.

his only option - feel
the experience of a lifetime,
sorrows, hopes and fears.

but that doesn't really work either.

Just felt it needed something els there, but couldn't work it out.

Chris

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